If you’re wondering how to personalize lesbian wedding vows so they’re more unique to you and your bride, you’re in the right place.
Sure, it’s harder work than just going with traditional vows, but the payoff is so worth it!
Below, you’ll find a complete guide to writing meaningful vows that you’ll both remember for the rest of your lives.
We have a ton of ground to cover, so let’s get started!
How To Personalize Lesbian Wedding Vows
One quick note before we begin; while we’re talking about personalizing lesbian marriage vows, these tips really work for ALL couples, LGBTQ+ or not.
Every wedding is special, but if you’re looking for a way to make it truly unique to you, one way to do this is to whip up your own wedding vows.
As I mentioned above, personalizing your vows definitely takes a little extra work than just having the officiant go with the standard wording.
If words don’t come to you naturally, then you’ll really have your work cut out for you.
However, as difficult as it is, the reward is worth it; and there are things you can do to make the process a little easier.
1. Make sure it’s what you both want
First, make sure that BOTH of you are okay with personalized vows.
Sure, you may be a wordsmith or a poet, but if your significant other isn’t comfortable expressing herself, then she may feel uncomfortable.
2. Run it past your officiant
Next, you have to discuss it with your wedding officiant to find out the legalities, guidelines and rules in drafting your own wedding vows.
Most officiants should have no objections, but there are rare cases where it’s not allowed.
Certain religious ceremonies, for example, only allow very specific vows.
It’s better to find out early rather than spend the time writing the perfect vows and discovering that you can’t use them.
The wording should be in line with the style of the ceremony, and it is going to be different for a traditional ceremony than a modern ceremony.
3. Decide on the ground rules
Remember, your wedding is yours alone (well, yours and your betrothed, that is), so don’t let anyone else dictate the tone of your vows.
However, it helps to come up with some groundrules that you both agree on.
- Is it okay to include song lyrics and quotes, or do you both want each other to speak solely from the heart?
- How about humor? Would your bride feel comfortable if you shared an inside joke in your vows?
- What about a time limit? Should you both feel free to speak for as long as you’d like, or do you want to keep it to under a minute?
I don’t agree with advice that says you should keep your vows to just a few lines so your guest don’t get bored.
I think it’s your day, so you should feel free to speak as long as you want.
However, as someone who attended a wedding while 7 months pregnant once, I beg of you to remember that your guests do have certain needs.
Holding them hostage for two hours while you recite an entire Shakespeare play isn’t exactly the nicest thing to do!
Also, remember, YOU have to have the endurance to recite your vows, too. So, don’t make things hard on yourself by writing War and Peace.
4. Brainstorm first, draft later
Remember from your term paper writing days? Start by just jotting down the words that come to mind.
You can make a list or just let the words flow out of your brain and onto the paper.
Don’t worry about grammar, syntax, or anything else. Just write. The goal is to try to be creative.
If the words just won’t come out at all, then try reading other vows to look for ideas.
You can start by swapping out some of the words with words you feel more comfortable with.
Some questions to ask yourself include:
- What are my expectations of my partner?
- What are the qualities that are important to me?
- What it means to be committed to one another?
- What does marriage mean to me?
5. Write your first draft
Once you’ve finished the free-flowing brainstorming session, it’s time to write up your first draft.
If you’re happy with the way it sounds, congratulations, you’re done!
However, there’s a very strong chance you’ll still feel like it’s missing something or needs a tweak.
Your friends, family, and officiant may be able to help you fine tune it, but ultimately the words need to be yours!
6. Make it Official
After creating a draft of the vows you wish to exchange, meet up with the Officiant again and show him the draft.
Although in the end, it is ultimately your decision that is followed, do take heed of the Officiants advice, as it is usually sound and has been honed by experience.
7. Practice makes perfect
If you’re happy with the wording, find a good friend to practice them with.
Once you hear them out loud, you may have a different opinion on the words you have used.
Practicing provides you with an opportunity to make final adjustments.
Once you’ve worked out a final version, practice reading it on your own, and try to memorize it.
Although there is no rule against reading vows, a thoroughly practiced, heartfelt rendition of the vow will definitely make a lasting impact on your partner and the people witnessing the ceremony.
8. Say your own personalized wedding vows
Now, let’s talk about saying those personal wedding vows on the big day! We’ll call this “the Performance.”
When reciting your vows during the wedding, always keep calm.
People who are tense tend to speak too fast (I can attest to this personally), and since the wedding vows are among the most important parts of the day, you will want to take your time in the spotlight.
If you feel you need it, keep a written version of you vows with you. There’s no shame in referring to them!
As for how to end wedding vows, finish with a simple “I love you,” or choose a quote that feels right!
Personalized Wedding Vow Tips: How To Make Them Special
Although we discussed tips for making your lesbian wedding vows special in the steps above, I’d like to expand on that a bit now.
Be considerate of the type of ceremony
While vows can include whatever words you want, it is still a good idea to exercise good judgment.
You’ll want to be considerate of the type of ceremony.
In other words, if you’re planning a wedding in a Christian church, it’s not really a good idea to say, “I thank the Goddess Kali for bringing us together!”
I mean, you can and all, but I have a feeling the officiant will not be too pleased.
Get inspired, but don’t copy
It’s one thing to lift a great quote from a song for your vows. It’s another to lift the entire song.
Honestly, at that point you can’t really say that you wrote them yourself.
So, where can you get ideas for writing your own wedding vow?
Just about anywhere you can find sentiments that echo your commitment to your soulmate.
Consider hiring an assistant, but tweak the wording yourself
If you search the Internet you will come across websites that feature wedding vow assistance. Obtaining a wedding vow using this method is very simple.
All you have to do is answer a few questions and provide a method of contact.
The company will then take the information you provide and send you a personalized wedding vow.
This may seem somewhat impersonal, but since you provide input the wedding vow is partly your creation.
When you get them back, you can tweak them a bit to make them more personal.
You can also hire a songwriter to help you out!
Turn to books
Do you enjoy poetry? A book of poems is an excellent resource for your wedding vow.
You can visit your local library and get ideas for what to say for your wedding vow.
There are also plenty of books written on the subject. A discount bookstore should offer such a book at a reasonable cost.
As a bonus, we are including some romantic passages from well-known poems:
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)E.E. Cummings.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.Elizabeth Barrett Browning
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.Pablo Neruda
I came to the crowd seeking friends
I came to the crowd seeking love
I came to the crowd for understanding
I found you
I came to the crowd to weep
I came to the crowd to laugh
You dried my tears
You shared my happiness
I went from the crowd seeking you
I went from the crowd seeking me
I went from the crowd forever
You came, tooNikki Giovanni
Just write from the heart
Your wedding day represents the epitome of love between you and your future spouse.
The two of you are together for a reason. Anything you write should be honest and from your heart, because that is what will really make your words special.
You don’t have to be Emily Dickinson to write beautiful personalized LGBT wedding vows.
If you are a poet, great. Keep in mind, though, that in the end words are just words.
Your wedding vows do not have to be an amazing classic piece of literature. They just need to be an honest display of your feelings for the other person.
Follow these four tips, and you’ll find yourself getting over your worries to write some great personalized wedding vows that your spouse will love!
Do you have any other tips on how to personalize lesbian and gay Wedding vows? Share below!
I’m a freelance journalist/writer/content marketer with BA Hons in Journalism.