13+ Ways That Counseling Can Strengthen Your Marriage

Most people consider couples counseling to be a last resort to avoid divorce.

However, counseling is often beneficial to marriages for a myriad of reasons and can be utilized long before there are any significant issues in the relationship.  

It is much better to start counseling when the little stuff pops up to avoid more significant problems down the road.

Numerous studies show evidence that couples who sought out counseling earlier in their marriage reported more satisfying relationships in the long term.

Couples can improve their communication, overcome their differences, and navigate significant life transitions with counseling.  

Whether you’re engaged and considering pre-marital counseling in order to start your marriage off on the right foot or you’re already married and struggling in your relationship with your spouse, counseling has been proven to improve relationships. 

Read on to learn the ways that counseling can strengthen your marriage.

1. Counseling offers an objective perspective

When couples argue, each can inadvertently enter the mindset of “I’m right, you’re wrong.” Such a mindset is undoubtedly toxic and prevents any kind of resolution or common ground. 

When a counselor enters the picture, the couple has the benefit of having an objective third party offer their insight about the problem. This gives both parties in the relationship the ability to gain valuable perspective on the problems with their spouse. 

Having an objective third party can also give the couple the valuable insight as to whether their relationship can be saved. Some problems – like infidelity and dishonesty – are extremely difficult to move past, and a counselor can lay out everything that needs to be done to fully heal a marriage.

Knowing what needs to be done – and whether each party is up to the task – can mean the difference between saving a relationship or walking away. 

2. Counseling provides a safe space

Some problems – intimacy issues, for example – can be difficult to talk about. Embarrassment, shame, or the simple lack of adequate communication skills can hinder the ability for couples to openly communicate about their sexual needs and problems. Intimacy issues are one of the top 6 issues couples fight about, according to Psychology Today. 

Having a counselor that both parties trust is vital in opening up about such sensitive issues. When problems in communication arise, the counselor provides guidance in directing the conversation in a productive and positive way. 

3. Counseling provides the tools for conflict resolution

According to Forbes Magazine, marriage counseling provides couples the tools for conflict resolution and positive communication – tools that not everyone has prior to entering a relationship.   

Knowing how to resolve problems together is vital in a marriage relationship. Life is full of ups and downs, and couples need to know how to communicate effectively and solve problems in a productive way. 

4. Counseling helps unpack baggage

Often, marital problems can be traced back to each party’s past. If children grow up in a home where they see their parents constantly fighting, or if one parent is absent, the impact of witnessing negative relationships can leave them uncertain of how to conduct their own relationships in adulthood. 

With counseling, both parties can explore why they react in certain ways to certain triggers in their marriage and identify what needs to be done to move forward. 

5. With counseling, couples can start fresh

When both parties are committed to marriage counseling, they can have a better outlook for the future of their relationship. With work, they can leave the problems of the past behind them. 

6. Frequent Arguing

If you and your partner often argue without any resolution, progress, or growth, then it may be time to get a counselor involved.

Since a counselor is a neutral third party, they will listen to both sides of the argument and come up with a compromise or solution that works for both of you.  

Many arguments and conflicts arise from miscommunications or misunderstandings.

A counselor will identify these in your relationship and develop strategies to have healthier, more productive arguments in the future.

Related: Tips For Maintaining Happiness

7. Intimacy Issues

A counselor can also help if you and your partner are experiencing a lack of intimacy or sex.

Sometimes, this can signify a more profound emotional problem that your counselor will help you address.  

The good thing is that you don’t have to have sex to feel intimate with your partner.

There are many other ways to show intimacy, such as kissing and cuddling, that can be enough to keep both partners satisfied.

Your counselor will be able to suggest some intimacy ideas that will help keep your love strong.

8. Conflicting Values

People with differing values, philosophies, and religions can still make a marriage work.

However, if one or both partners are not open-minded or willing to discuss their differences cordially, then the marriage is bound to have some problems.  

A counselor can help you and your partner navigate your differences and find a way to appreciate each other for your unique perspectives and beliefs.

Your counselor will remind both of you of the strengths of each perspective and how that viewpoint is beneficial to the marriage.

9. Mental Illness

Mental illness can undoubtedly be an added hurdle to any marriage.

Not only does the partner with a mental illness have challenges and obstacles that mentally healthy people can’t imagine, but they also have a different way of seeing reality and interacting with the world around them.  

Furthermore, people with mental illnesses may have specific needs and boundaries that those not living with a mental illness may not understand.  

Counselors have a thorough knowledge of how people living with certain mental illnesses operate and think, making them a tremendous third party in the issue.

They can help bridge the gap between the two versions of communication and perceptions of reality, helping you and your partner understand each other’s needs and boundaries.  

Furthermore, your counselor may also provide resources and treatment for the person living with the mental illness.

Taking some form of treatment and developing coping strategies may reduce some of the mental illness’s hurdles to the marriage.

You may check the common challenges in marriage life you should be aware of.

10. Navigating A Major Transition

Significant life changes can shake up even the strongest of bonds.

Not only will a counselor give guidance on how to navigate the transition, but they will also be able to help you and your partner work through any communication issues or other conflicts that arise from this life change.

11. Building a strong foundation

One thing that many couples do not consider is that a marriage counselor doesn’t have to be something that you wait on – they’re actually quite useful at any point in a marriage.

In the beginning, marriage is a new thing for both you and your spouse, and while love and confidence are important there are things that are going to surprise you. Marriage counselors have the unique experience of observing many marriages and as such, they can warn you of potential pitfalls to come.

Why not take advantage of their experience and training NOW, rather than wait until there is a problem? You’ll be very surprised at the kind of habits that you can make now that can help to ensure that this marriage is definitely going to stand the test of time!

12. Not taking enough time for each other

In time, stresses such as work, bills, and raising the kids naturally begin to take their toll, and it’s easy for couples to forget the simple pleasures of spending time together.

A good marriage counselor has dealt with couples from all walks of life who have run into this problem and they can advise you on simple, effective ways so that you and your spouse are always making time to spend with each other – and that’s one of the keys to a strong and healthy marriage.

13. Feeling ‘heard’ when times are tough

Sometimes marriage problems haven’t turned into arguing, but rather a kind of ‘automatic’ communication where words are used and understood, but not really HEARD. Marriage counselors can teach skills such as ‘active listening’ so that both you and your spouse never feel like you are not being heard.

It happens more often than you might think and even if you are not arguing, feeling like your spouse isn’t listening is a deeply painful thing.  With that in mind, isn’t it better to work on communication skills now with an expert who can help before times get tougher?  

14. To learn that you are not alone

It’s a funny thing, but one of the least-mentioned perks of marriage counseling is the simple fact that couples learn they are not alone. Marriages take work, but it’s easier to think that romance and love are going to push through everything on their own.

While they CAN for a while, marriage is something more complex than that and like everything else on the planet that’s worth having, it takes hard work. Seeing that troubles in marriage are really something that is found in every marriage can take quite a lot of pressure off.

Marriage counseling can show you that other couples are going through the same or similar things all of the time and it’s OKAY because there are people like your counselor who already know about the most common issues and they are there to help.

You’re not alone and when you think about it, what’s wrong with learning good marital habits and coping skills NOW with an expert, rather than later by surprise? It’s really the most practical approach.

Final Thoughts

Every marriage has its strains and roadblocks. Whether you are recently married or have been together for decades, counseling can help the two of you overcome the most common issues that show up in every marriage.

Even if you believe your problems are too small for counseling, remember that working on those issues now will prevent them from snowballing into something much more prominent later.  

Resources

1. Stepko B. 7 Reasons You May Need Marriage Counseling [Internet]. AARP. Available from: https://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2020/marriage-counseling.html

2. https://www.facebook.com/verywell. How to Know if You Need Marriage Counseling [Internet]. Verywell Mind. 2019. Available from: https://www.verywellmind.com/does-marriage-counseling-work-2300428

3. Want a better marriage? Learn to fight fair [Internet]. NBC News. Available from: https://www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/want-better-marriage-learn-fight-fair-5-easy-steps-ncna806011

4. Keep the Spark Alive in Your Marriage [Internet]. 2019. Available from: https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-the-spark-alive-in-your-marriage

5. Weston LC, PhD. What Does a Sex Therapist Do? [Internet]. WebMD. Available from: https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/what-does-sex-therapist-do

6. menchu. 3 Tips on Managing Conflicting Values in Relationships [Internet]. Strategic Psychology Canberra. 2018 [cited 2022 Feb 9]. Available from: https://strategicpsychology.com.au/3-tips-on-managing-conflicting-values-in-relationships/