Want to plan an epic non-binary wedding?
Well, here’s how to do it!
We’ll discuss the challenges and solutions to help you create your gender-fluid dream day.
Let’s get started!
How to Plan a Non-binary Wedding and Its Challenges
When someone mentions the word “wedding,” many people think of a bride and groom walking down the aisle.
Well, I think that’s a very subjective way of thinking, considering that the world isn’t just made up of straight cisgender people.
However, in this article, I will share with you some tips to plan a non-binary wedding and how to tackle its challenges.
Let me remind you of something you already know. If you don’t fit in the male-female binary, you may face some obstacles when planning your wedding.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not trying to scare you, and I certainly don’t think that it’s right.
It’s just the harsh, depressing reality of today’s world. We’re making great progress in changing it, but we still have a long fight ahead of us.
So, if you belong to the nonbinary, gender-queer, gender-fluid, agender community you need to think outside the box to be able to break from stereotypes and organize a marriage of your choice.
Non-specific Gender Terminology for Nonbinary Wedding
The first thing to do when planning a non-binary or queer wedding is to choose gender-neutral terms.
It’s a bit easy to use gender-inclusive language in most cases.
For instance, instead of using “Husband” or “wife,” you can use spouse for married couples. Also, you could use “spouse-to-be” or “betrothed” for fiance and fiancee in describing an engaged person.
Again, “bride” and “groom” are two terms people find challenging to replace with gender-neutral wedding terms.
However, you can discuss with whoever is planning your wedding and the officiants so that you can come up with terms to use throughout your wedding celebration.
Furthermore, instead of using “You may kiss the bride,” you can simply use, “you may now kiss,” or “and now, seal your commitment with a kiss.”
Using the appropriate inclusive wedding language terminology may be challenging.
But it makes your entire non-binary wedding beautiful and more personal to you.
Separate Your Wedding Ceremony from the Legal Marriage
You deserve full joy at your wedding. After all, you are getting married to the love of your life. Yet, things can get tricky when dealing with legal marriage rites. Most states’ constitutions do not have room for gender-neutral options. So, you may have to endure hearing terms such as “wife” and “husband”.
If you want to have a full day’s joy, you may want to have the legalities on a different day from the ceremony. It will be best to have a legal marriage at the courthouse a month before the wedding. This way, you must have gotten over the ordeals of the legal proceedings. While this is not ideal, it helps you have full control of your wedding and all the ceremonies.
Choose Wedding Attire
Choosing non-binary wedding attire is perhaps the easiest part of planning your day!
Repeat these words- “It’s my wedding, I’ll wear whatever I want!”
Whether that’s a dress, a suit, a tux with tails, or jeans and a t-shirt, you and your betrothed alone decide what attire is right for you. soft butch
Whichever way you decide to dress for your wedding, there’s always a perfect attire for you.
But you may face unique challenges if you want to locate a particular formal wedding dress.
Even though designers advertise that they have unisex or gender-neutral clothing, they often end up offering either masculine or feminine style attire better suited for traditional weddings.
However, if your designers can think outside the gender binaries box, they will come up with the perfect middle ground for your non-binary wedding.
Finding the right vendors
One of the greatest challenges of planning a non-binary wedding is finding vendors in the wedding industry who ally with the LGBTQ+ community.
While some states have laws prohibiting discrimination against LGBT and Queer couples, others don’t.
Even in places where it’s against the law, do you really want someone who isn’t passionate about giving you the best day possible planning any aspect of your wedding?
From cake bakers to right down to the florist, choose people with a genuine interest in making your day special. LGBTQ-friendly wedding photographers are also of utmost importance.
Unless, of course, you want to use your big day as a chance to take a stand. That’s fine, if you do!
If not, though, you’re better off asking friends and family to recommend vendors that are happy to contribute to a wedding of non-heterosexual couples.
Have a Guest List
It is your wedding and you have a right to choose who gets to attend it. You only want people that are genuine and happy for you. No bad energies or side comments should dampen your mood on your wedding day. So, pick your guests.
Whether it is a small wedding or a large affair, you can have a guest list. This should include your favorite people, and family. Sadly, there may be parts of the family that may be critical of your choice. If this is the case, you may have a sitting protocol as well. With such protocol, you can avoid the critics and see only the happy parts of your guest list.
Do Something Special
In most cases, the wedding industry does not cater as much to non-binary weddings. So, when planning a wedding you must consider vendors that you know or approve of. This is because a careless or uninterested vendor can ruin special wedding moments.
Also, create a list of special moments that you would love to have during your wedding. These may not include conventional wedding moments such as cake cutting or first dances. Remember that this is your wedding and you can have whatever you want in it. Some ideas you may consider include:
- Taking Song Requests from Guests
You can ask your close friends and guests to send in their special songs through your email. These may become part of your wedding song list. It makes the wedding feel more special to you and your guests. They won’t be forgetting that one wedding in a hurry.
- Make a Statement Cake
Conventional cakes and cake toppers are old and boring. To make your wedding outstanding, you can create a cake that fits your vibe. From the colors to the toppers, do something different that suits your wedding. It would be a great idea to give your guests as much laughter as a wedding can bring.
You may also want to think a little outside of the box and replace the cake entirely with something cooler. A cooler and outstanding option is having a macaron tower or even a dessert table. This may have an inclusive menu with gluten-free snacks and options for guests with allergies.
When planning a same-sex wedding, always anticipate the challenges and pressure.
But know that the wedding belongs to you and your spouse. So, don’t try to please anybody other than yourselves.
Discuss with your partner how you want the wedding to be, the attire to wear, your wedding venue, and every additional detail. With this, you will have an exceptional non-binary wedding party you fantasize about.
Lastly, you don’t need to rush anything. Otherwise, you will end up making mistakes.
Carry out extensive research, vet your vendors, and give yourself enough time to plan your attire and every little detail.
Have you ever planned a non-binary wedding? Share any other tips you have below!
I’m a freelance journalist/writer/content marketer with BA Hons in Journalism.