Whether you celebrate with blood relatives, chosen family or both during major events, preparing for a wedding calls for lots and lots of planning — from seating arrangements, catering plans and tasteful décor to delegating responsibilities to trusted professionals like wedding planners, wedding designers, quality bakers and loved ones like maids of honor.
But how do you decide who should be the maid of honor? Can you have two maids of honor? What is expected of a maid of honor — and what’s the difference between a maid of honor, a matron of honor and a bridesmaid? Read on for answers to these questions and more about what brides and their support ladies can expect leading up to and during the big day.
Choosing your maid of honor is an important decision, and sometimes it can be difficult to choose just one person for the role. Ultimately, it’s your wedding, and you have the freedom to customize your bridal party to reflect the relationships that are most meaningful to you.
What Is a Maid of Honor?
In traditional terms, a maid of honor is typically an unmarried woman who acts as the head or lead bridesmaid during the wedding celebrations. They are appointed after the happy couples’ engagement and are often asked to fulfill certain roles and responsibilities. The choice of a maid of honor often falls to an unmarried sister — but it can also go to your closest unmarried friend, cousin or confidant.
Ideally, your maid of honor should be someone you trust with your life — someone who may have seen you in a low moment and watched you rise from the ashes even stronger than before and held space for you along the way.
Where Does the Tradition of a Maid of Honor Come From?
While it is unknown exactly where and when the original maid of honor first graced the wedding party, it is thought to have historical roots in ancient Roman times. During the Roman empire, at least 10 witnesses were required to be present during a marriage union to thwart the threat of omnipresent evil spirits.
Unlike the present tradition in which bridesmaids are given a color palate to work with in terms of what they are asked to wear, in ancient Rome, all the bridesmaids — including the maid of honor — wore the same clothing as the bride in order to “fool” the evil spirits so they could not sabotage the wedding.
Somewhat more pragmatically, it was required of the bridesmaids to dress just like the bride in case an adversarial male swooped in at the last minute to “steal” the bride away from her betrothed. By dressing identically, bridesmaids provided protection and support for the bride in both spiritual and pragmatic ways — and arguably, they still do to this day!
There are also thoughts about maids of honor and bridesmaids coming from Biblical references as well — though whether or not these allusions came before or after the Roman empire is another question entirely.
Can You Have Two Maids of Honor? What’s a Matron of Honor?
Honestly, it’s your wedding day — you can do whatever you want! But seriously, there is no reason you can’t select two lucky ladies to be your queen bees during your big day. In fact, splitting this rather large job can be a huge relief for both of your two main gals! Another option is to have a maid of honor and a matron of honor — the difference being that a matron of honor has already been married.
As the matron will likely be a little more experienced with wedding matters, they can provide excellent mentorship for the likely younger maid of honor in terms of providing an excellent experience for the bride. Either way, the two ladies will ideally work together to contribute fresh, creative ideas that just one maid of honor likely wouldn’t have thought of on her own. They say two heads are better than one!
What Does the Maid of Honor Do?
Of course, if you’ve picked two ladies to ordain with this title, you’ll want to be intentional about how you break up tasks for them to accomplish that cater to their strengths. For example, if one bridesmaid is local to the venue site, they can arrange things like looking for places to hit up on a girls’ night out and work on planning an unforgettable bachelorette party!
They can also run errands like scoping out pricing and value of local florists, bakers, venues and more. If your other bridesmaid is not local, they can still help the other plan and prepare. There are plenty of ways to get ready for a wedding online — such as designing, printing and sending out invitations and RSVP requests; researching possible themes, including seasonal indulgences to capitalize on; planning a theme or looking for a wedding designer and more.
The idea here is that the two ladies should work together to help make the wedding day as fun and stress-free as possible by taking care of rudimentary tasks on the bride’s behalf. Ideally, costs for these endeavors will be split evenly on both sides. While it is — as the name implies — an honor to be a leading bridesmaid for the special event, it is not without responsibilities.
Ideally, a bridesmaid will also be working with a wedding planner to crack down on any problem-solving, mitigation practices, budgeting questions and other concerns so the bride can focus on their future. The maids of honor will be the bride’s right-hand women, solving problems, communicating with vendors, dress shopping and generally taking care of logistical concerns that would otherwise fall to the bride.
How Does It Work with Two Maids of Honor?
Any time you split a leadership role into two, you’ll want to make sure both ladies are able to add to the fun and share the responsibilities. The best thing you can do as the bride is delegate to each bridesmaid what you want done after factoring in their location, natural talents or inclinations. Spend some time with both of them, even if it’s online via Zoom or FaceTime and introduce them.
Let them get to enjoy each other and figure out a natural dynamic. Things typically expected of your two most trusted gals include party planning, toast writing for the reception, hair and makeup appointments, helping the bride prepare on the day of and organizing and inventorying wedding gifts.
During the ceremony, both maids of honor can take turns alternating between responsibilities like holding the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony to signing your marriage license as a witness. After they’ve ensured your wedding runs smoothly, contributed a spirit of celebration and not least of all, ushered away any bad spirits, the least a bride can do for her two leading ladies is gift them something thoughtful.
Consider a booking at a luxury spa, offering a voucher for a massage, purchasing concert tickets or purchasing gifts a little more specific to their respective interests and personalities, such as a cast iron Dutch oven or a new smartwatch.
When Does the Maid of Honor Walk Down the Aisle?
The traditional wedding processional order typically involves surviving grandparents walking down the aisle first. Next come the groomsmen walking in pairs, followed by their best man. After this, the groom proceeds down the aisle with his parents. Then come the bridesmaids, who also travel two-by-two. Next, the maid(s) or matron of honor walks down the aisle, followed by the ring bearer and flower girl. Finally, the bride walks towards their partner with their father or parents.
So, in short, the maid or maids of honor walk down the aisle after the bridesmaids and are followed by the ring-bearer.
One of the great things about being a maid of honor? You can choose whether you get to walk down that aisle solo right after the gaggle of bridesmaids ahead of you or if you want to walk arm-in-arm with the best man.
Of course, in the instance of having two maids of honor (or a maid and a matron of honor), the two could walk together arm-in-arm as well. By walking separately from the bridesmaids, the significance of your contributions to the wedding and in some cases, your closeness and trust with the bride themselves is emphasized.
What’s the Difference Between a Maid of Honor and a Bridesmaid?
Bridesmaids are there to ward off evil and malevolent spirits with their positive vibes — no doubt an important job — but they generally do not have nearly the extent of the responsibilities of a maid of honor. Bridesmaids are there to make the bachelorette party the best night ever and help the bride shine their brightest on their big day.
What Are the Primary Roles of the Maid(s) of Honor on the Wedding Day?
To sum it up, your job as the maid of honor is to bear the brunt of stress, last-minute question-answering, scrambling to solve any minor issues and helping to reply to any messages as well as generally taking care of smoothing things over with guests while the bride focuses on getting ready.
A good maid of honor will also focus on keeping the bridal suite feeling good, clean and full of yummy snacks and beverages. A small charcuterie board to share can be a decadent and nice touch with a small bottle of champagne or prosecco and plenty of water. Ensure the bride has hydrated and eaten plenty of food during the preparation process — as this step often gets overlooked.
Part of the joy of this day is being with the bride and her mother, pampering each other, doting on hair and makeup, eating yummy snacks and finding ways to get the bride ready. Another aspect of this can be keeping the mother of the bride ready, who may feel restless and like she wants to take action or hover over the bride. If any last-minute things need handling, the bride’s mother very well might be happy to take care of it to have something to do for her daughter before the big event.
During the ceremony, one of the maids of honor will also hold the bride’s bouquet so they can focus on their vows and return it for the traditional flower toss after the ceremony.
Finally, while dancing at a wedding is not strictly required, the celebrations should be all about fun! Don’t forget to dance, cut loose with the bride on the dance floor and celebrate your friend as they step into their future.
At the End of the Day, You Know Your Girls Best: Collaboration Can Yield Awesome Results
Is there anything more powerful than women who lift each other up, support each other and help move each other forward rather than drag each other down with fruitless competitiveness? Technically speaking, you can pick as many bridesmaids and maids of honor as you like — but it is generally considered good practice to keep it balanced on the other side with groomsmen and the best man.
Getting your girls together to help raise the vibe for your big day can involve meeting together regularly, even beyond just the bachelorette party. While the maid or maids of honor do a lot of the problem-solving, logistics tracking and interfacing with family and wedding planners, a bridesmaid’s main role is to lift the bride into central focus and get her amped in the best way possible as she prepares to walk down the aisle.
It seems like it can go without saying in modern times, but most modern women understand the power of sticking together and not putting superficial wants above sisterly love and support. So, choose your crew wisely; will your ladies work well together to plan the most awesomely surprising bachelorette party to remember for the rest of your life? Only you can predict how your favorite ladies will (or won’t!) get along.
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Serena & Dominic are a married couple and parents to 3 wonderful children. They plan weddings, run multiple small businesses, and curate wedding events.
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