A transgender man found a wonderful way to honor his childhood pact to become his best friend’s maid of honor by becoming her man of honor instead. Unfortunately, the move provoked a rather negative response from his BFF’s other friend. What follows next, though, is absolutely inspired, especially for those finding themselves in similar situations.
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Transgender Man Promised to Be His BFF’s MOH as Kids, Now He’s the Master of Honor!
The world is constantly evolving and the old traditions need to be changed to make room for the new, especially when it comes to weddings. Sometimes, the pacts we make as kids don’t quite work out the way we intended as adults. Sometimes, though, the work out even better than we can imagine.
This is the case of our Reddit user, Tydgie (we’ll call him Ty), who posted his story in the “AmItheAs*hole” subreddit. According to Ty, he and his best friend “Lucy” made a pact as children. “We always planned to be each others Maid of Honour, and would talk about it excessively as kids.”
Years later, though, Ty realized that the sex assigned to him at birth didn’t reflect his true self. That threw a bit of a wrench into his plans with Lucy. In true BFF fashion, though, Lucy didn’t miss a beat.
I am a FtM transgender and realized when I was mid-teens, so I pass well by now, and realistically I cannot be “maid” of honour, but Lucy has changed it so I can be her “man” of honour instead.
Even though they were both thrilled by the idea, there was a little communication problem. One of the bride’s friends, “Hannah,” wanted to be her Maid of Honor so much, that she eventually reached out to the Man of Honor.
She messaged me privately asking me to “step down” and allow her to be Lucy’s Maid Of Honur instead of just the bridesmaid, as its nontraditional to have both a Best Man (Lucy’s Fiancé’s best friend) and a Man of Honor, and its not fair on Lucy’s female friends to have less of an important role in the wedding.
The user wanted to find out if it would be right for him to bring this up with the bride, so she waited for the community’s response, and wow, did they roll in. Over 770 people replied with some amazing advice.
One of them stated the obvious-no, Ty is not the bad guy here- and urged him to talk to his best friend.
Happily, Ty took his fellow Redditor’s advice and it didn’t take long for the situation to clarify. He discussed the situation with both the bride and her friend, and set everything straight in no time. In an update, he said.
As many of you suggested, I called Lucy. I told her about [her friend’s] concerns. (…) I basically said how if she, Lucy, had any concerns about me being MoH that was okay with me but it was up to her, just thought she should be aware of her other friend being distressed by the situation.
A little compromise settled the problem quickly. Hannah admitted that she was a little jealous, especially since she envisioned herself throwing the Hen party (aka Bachelorette party). So, Ty handed those reins over to her. She could plan the Hen party, and he would be the Master of Honor (a title suggested by one of the Reddit users).
So in conclusion, I will still remain my best friends MASTER OF HONOR whilst [her friend] can prep and plan the Hen-do (which I can chose if I’d like to attend, or join the grooms stag-do, or be unavailable for both) as a compromise.
Outdated gender roles have no place in modern weddings
One Redditor brought up a very valid point, saying, “Seriously, it’s tradition for the sake of tradition. There is no rule that says you can’t be her Man of Honor. If Lucy chose you, she chose you. You’re important to her.”
Others chimed in with their own stories of Men of Honor..
” My friend had a cisgender Man of Honor at her wedding (her best friend). No big deal.”
Perhaps the best advice of all comes from this user, who succinctly replied:
I can’t stress enough how unimportant gender is when you’re marrying the person you love and all your loved ones are there for you.
That’s really what it all comes down to, isn’t it? Remember, it’s your day. If you want to have a Man of Honor- transgender or cisgender-go for it. Prefer a Best Woman? That’s great! As long as you and your fiance are happy, that’s all that matters in the end.